How to Raise Problem Solvers

As adults, we often don’t realise how often we step in, fix things, or direct children’s actions - not out of control, but out of habit, time pressure, or love. Think about it: you're trying to get out the door on time, so you're calling out what they need to bring. They say “I’m hungry” or “I’m bored,” and you jump in with options or suggestions - not just to keep things moving, but because you want them to be okay. You want them to feel settled, content, successful. So you smooth things over, solve the little problems, and protect them from frustration.

Time rolls on and our young children become teens and young adults. If they are accustomed to the same approach provided to them when they were younger, they expect the same - if not more - believing you will continue to be as obliging to keep them settled, content, and successful. However, you now find yourself wishing they would take some ownership - for their day, their responsibilities, or the rogue “I’m hungry” at 10pm. You still want them to feel settled, content, and successful - but more than anything, you want them to become independent.

We’re often moving quickly and doing what feels right in the moment. But in the process, we unintentionally miss opportunities to help children think for themselves, build resilience, and develop their own problem-solving abilities.   

You recognise that the window is closing for you to be standing beside them, offering the next step - or worse, doing it for them. And when that moment comes - whether it’s school, work, or relationships - they need to know how to begin, how to work through it, and how to finish strong. They need to know how to navigate uncertainty, not just react to it.

What if, instead of always stepping in or predicting their needs, we started asking them questions? Not yes-or-no questions - but thoughtful, open ones that invite reflection, choice, and ownership.

In a world where answers are just a click - or a voice request - away, what really matters is the ability to ask the right questions: to pause, wonder, and figure things out. That’s the skill that sets young people apart. And the best way to teach it... is to model it.

As we begin asking questions instead of giving answers, it's important to consider the kind of questions we ask. Coaching-style questions - those beginning with what, when, and where - are powerful tools to spark reflection and build independent thinking. These types of questions open space for exploration without pressure. In contrast, jumping in too soon with why or even how can feel analytical or even accusatory, especially if a young person is feeling unsure or defensive. By starting with open, non-judgemental questions, we invite our children to think for themselves, without fear of getting it wrong.

How to Raise Problem Solvers: Questions That Build Independent Thinkers

You don’t need to ask all 21 questions at once or ever - just pick a few that resonate with you and your child, and start there. These are thinking tools, not a script. You can build on them over time, introducing more as your teen grows in confidence and capacity. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s progress, independence, and connection.

1. What is your goal here?

Helps the child articulate long-term intent and connect actions to purpose, fostering motivation and planning.  (Supports: Goal-Directed Persistence, Metacognition)

2. What is your plan for today (or this week)?

Encourages forward-thinking and daily structure, which are critical for managing time and tasks. (Supports: Planning/Prioritisation, Task Initiation)

3. What is your timeframe for this?

Builds an understanding of time boundaries and pacing for effective execution. (Supports: Time Management)

4. What does success look or feel like to you?

Shifts focus from external rewards to internal satisfaction, building personal motivation and emotional engagement. (Supports: Goal-Directed Persistence, Emotional Control)

5. What does done look or feel like to you?

Clarifies the desired outcome, reducing ambiguity and helping with focus. (Supports: Organisation, Working Memory)

6. What have you already tried?

Promotes self-reflection and encourages strategy adjustment based on past actions. (Supports: Metacognition, Flexibility)

7. What’s getting in the way right now?

Helps identify internal or external obstacles without judgment, encouraging emotional regulation and planning. (Supports: Emotional Control, Response Inhibition)

8. When have you handled something like this before?

Builds confidence by accessing previous successful experiences. (Supports: Working Memory, Self-Efficacy)

9. What’s one small step you could take next?

Makes action feel manageable and builds momentum. (Supports: Task Initiation, Planning)

10. What might help you stay focused or on track?

Encourages the use of personal tools or strategies to maintain focus. (Supports: Sustained Attention, Organisation)

11. Who could support you, and what support is needed?

Promotes asking for help appropriately and identifying effective support systems. (Supports: Help-Seeking, Communication)

12. Where could you go for support or information?

Develops the skill of sourcing reliable information and reaching out when needed. (Supports: Organisation, Self-Advocacy)

13. When would be a good time to start?

Encourages realistic scheduling and readiness to act. (Supports: Task Initiation, Time Management)

14. What’s your plan if things don’t go as expected?

Builds resilience by preparing for uncertainty and setbacks. (Supports: Flexibility, Problem Solving)

15. How are you going to remember to remember?

Encourages the creation of personal reminder systems like lists, alarms, sticky notes, or visual cues, and reinforces the skill of holding multiple steps or requirements in mind while working. (Supports: Working Memory, Self-Management)

16. How are you tracking your progress?

Fosters ongoing self-assessment and ownership of results. (Supports: Metacognition, Sustained Attention)

17. Tell me, what do you know?

Grounds thinking by focusing on known information, reducing overwhelm. (Supports: Working Memory, Emotional Regulation)

18. What feels hard about this right now?

Creates emotional space to name challenges and move through them.Supports: Emotional Control, Self-Awareness)

19. What evidence do you have to support that - and is it true?

Develops critical thinking and disrupts negative assumptions or unhelpful beliefs. (Supports: Metacognition, Response Inhibition)

20. What are your top priorities right now?

Helps clarify focus areas and make decisions based on importance and urgency. (Supports: Planning/Prioritisation, Time Management)

21. How will you celebrate or reflect when you’ve done it?

Reinforces the value of reflection and builds confidence through closure. (Supports: Goal-Directed Persistence, Emotional Reward)

A Note on Neurodivergence

These questions support all learners - but they can be especially powerful for teens and students who are neurodivergent. By offering structure, reducing overwhelm, and creating a sense of ownership, this approach builds executive function in ways that are supportive and empowering.

Moving Forward

These moments of reflection don’t just strengthen your child's thinking - they strengthen your relationship. When you pause to ask instead of instruct, you're not just guiding them through the moment, you're shaping how they’ll approach challenge, uncertainty, and growth for years to come.

At Timewise, I help families build time and organisation habits that stick - so teens can thrive, and parents can breathe.

Curious about how I could help you or your teen?

Reach me at 0866049011 or drop me a message at emma@betimewise.ie - I’d love to hear from you.